First blog
Well, I wonder if all sorts of crazy men will respond to me just because my blog name has 'Sexy' in it? This is my journey as an old woman now into my 5th year of online dating. Well, actually, my 10th year, if you count the first Match.com date, back when I was still middle-aged, and potentially still sexual. I only went onto Match.com because my ex-husband had been on it before I left him in March 2009, so I thought I'd express my independence by displaying a new man on my arm, contradictory as that may seem! At that stage, I thought I couldn't survive without a man, such was my karma after living so long with a controlling narcissist.
Unfortunately, I didn't beat my ex into a new relationship, as he immediately reconnected with his childhood sweetheart from Canberra (as they do!). I call this propensity for old men to scramble back to their youthful sexual memories 'psychological regression'. In the ex's case, his deep connection with her was based on shared guilt from covering up a childhood secret, and she is wonderfully short in stature, which is always the type of woman he preferred, being one of those men who use their physical height to intimidate people.
I was so excited in an emotional and physical 😉 sense, to discover online that there was a nice man, Paul, who liked me, so I moved in with him almost straight away, and didn't do any more online dating. This was a total mistake, but I was wonderful at pleasing a man, having spent 30 years trying to keep my husband happy. Paul decided he wanted to co-habitate with me. I said no, as I wanted to invite my daughter to live in my rented flat. It was my flat that he wanted to move into - in retrospect, it didn’t occur to me that he should get his own place, rather than stay living with his mother, which he was doing at the time. He said 'if you don't llet me move in with you now, I'll leave you', so, of course, he moved in that week!
Fast forward to 5 years later, in 2014, when my latent feminist tendencies were starting to be re-born.
Paul was 'nice', ie a perfectly acceptable human being, but completely unsuited to me, as I discovered during the 5 years living together that we had very different values. This was a time of great trauma for me, as I was fighting ex-husband, Gary, in the courts, for a property settlement. $200,000 in legal costs and several court appearances later, including a trial, I managed to claw back enough to live on, so that I am now over 60 and comfortably retired.
What are values in relationships? Well Paul's idea of Xmas was to go to Kmart one afternoon, and spend one hour buying the biggest, ‘made in China’crap toys for his grandkids, then spending two hours wrapping them in equally ‘made in China’ crap wrapping paper, and putting them under the tree waiting for the 25th. This was quite an insult to my sensibilities, as I haven't 'done' Christmas since my son Ben died from suicide at 20 in 2004. This traumatic date being on November 16, from 2004, the whole commercial lead up to a religious festival when I'm ex-Catholic, means absolutely nothing, and is in fact, to be avoided at all costs.
Unfortunately, I didn't beat my ex into a new relationship, as he immediately reconnected with his childhood sweetheart from Canberra (as they do!). I call this propensity for old men to scramble back to their youthful sexual memories 'psychological regression'. In the ex's case, his deep connection with her was based on shared guilt from covering up a childhood secret, and she is wonderfully short in stature, which is always the type of woman he preferred, being one of those men who use their physical height to intimidate people.
I was so excited in an emotional and physical 😉 sense, to discover online that there was a nice man, Paul, who liked me, so I moved in with him almost straight away, and didn't do any more online dating. This was a total mistake, but I was wonderful at pleasing a man, having spent 30 years trying to keep my husband happy. Paul decided he wanted to co-habitate with me. I said no, as I wanted to invite my daughter to live in my rented flat. It was my flat that he wanted to move into - in retrospect, it didn’t occur to me that he should get his own place, rather than stay living with his mother, which he was doing at the time. He said 'if you don't llet me move in with you now, I'll leave you', so, of course, he moved in that week!
Fast forward to 5 years later, in 2014, when my latent feminist tendencies were starting to be re-born.
Paul was 'nice', ie a perfectly acceptable human being, but completely unsuited to me, as I discovered during the 5 years living together that we had very different values. This was a time of great trauma for me, as I was fighting ex-husband, Gary, in the courts, for a property settlement. $200,000 in legal costs and several court appearances later, including a trial, I managed to claw back enough to live on, so that I am now over 60 and comfortably retired.
What are values in relationships? Well Paul's idea of Xmas was to go to Kmart one afternoon, and spend one hour buying the biggest, ‘made in China’crap toys for his grandkids, then spending two hours wrapping them in equally ‘made in China’ crap wrapping paper, and putting them under the tree waiting for the 25th. This was quite an insult to my sensibilities, as I haven't 'done' Christmas since my son Ben died from suicide at 20 in 2004. This traumatic date being on November 16, from 2004, the whole commercial lead up to a religious festival when I'm ex-Catholic, means absolutely nothing, and is in fact, to be avoided at all costs.
Comments
Post a Comment